it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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