Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
