We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize