I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
