you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
