My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
