But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
