I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
