he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
