Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
