I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
