I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
