i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
be right there i have to get my cape
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
