i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
