she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
