Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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