you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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