Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i think i just lost a toe
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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