This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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