this beer tastes like vomit already
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i believe in u and ur pee
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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