He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
