just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
