I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
