I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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