PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize