Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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