WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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