I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
