i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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