I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
