I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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