i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
