You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
