He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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