I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
