my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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