so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
