I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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