When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
