Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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