Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
