just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
