Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
