There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
