Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
