He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
