Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
