Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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