hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
