Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
