I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize