the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
