ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
