Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
