Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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