he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize