p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
