I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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