i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
