There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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