He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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