how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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