i need an iv and a liver transplant
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
