If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
