i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
