Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
