haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
