Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
