You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You are a genius and a whore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
