conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
