mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
