May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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