Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
