Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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