Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish you could order shots online.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize