I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
