she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
