addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
