First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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