Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
