Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
