dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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