so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
