Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
