i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
