normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
