he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
