4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
