Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
