Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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